Talking it Through

Just before the pandemic, my brother passed away and then as lockdown started in March 2020 my nan passed away, closely followed by my aunt.

Then my dad ended up in hospital and my stepmother was diagnosed with a life-threatening condition.   

I found my mental health was being affected by what had happened and became worse when combined with the lockdown. Out of the three deaths, I only got to go to one of the funerals. These restrictions played a massive part in how I grieved for these people and I ended up having some counselling sessions.   

My family didn’t get the ashes for my nan until September, which meant that I couldn’t put my nan properly to rest. I stopped going out, got depressed, went on anti-depressants and just didn’t feel myself. I also gained weight, which didn’t help my ongoing arthritis problems.  I was crying all the time and I didn’t know who I was anymore. I did have suicide thoughts; I knew I had the tablets to knock me out.  It was a thought process; I knew I would never go through with it.   

My relationship with my partner also deteriorated and we fell out, though we have remained friends. It was my partner who identified that something wasn’t right and suggested I form a support bubble with my mother and sister, so I wasn’t alone.  

My sister got me out walking. This really helped me lose weight and gave me a chance to get out and gain some routine back into my life.  My sister also helped me to start thinking about the food I eat and has encouraged me to start a healthier diet.   

I now have a support worker who has helped put some activities back into my life. I also have regular sessions with MIND and did some online learning with a Community Group, as well as joining a Timebank. 

I started enjoying exercise and joined the gym.  Lockdown two started and I had to stop going to the gym but have managed to get online and do some classes.  Before COVID-19 I wouldn’t have gone to an exercise class. If anything, it has been a good thing that the classes have been online because it has given me the opportunity to join. There are also new people who have joined the situation who haven’t done a class before, so we can all talk together.  

I am focusing on going forward now. I can’t rush anything, so I am taking baby steps. I have got to work on myself, if I don’t try, I won’t get any results. I am still finding lockdown hard, but I am talking to my sister regularly on the phone and trying to keep up with the healthier lifestyle to keep my mental health in check. Talking to people about what I have been going through has really helped me.

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Published: 19th March 2021

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